Self-harm is when someone intentionally hurts their own body, often as a way of coping with emotional pain, stress, numbness, or feelings that have become overwhelming.
If you find out that your child, teen, or another young person you love is self-harming, it can be incredibly hard to know what to do next. You may feel scared, confused, or worried that you missed something. You may also wonder whether the behavior means they’re thinking about suicide or how serious the situation really is.
Self-harm isn’t a mental health diagnosis on its own, and it doesn’t always mean someone wants to die. It can, however, be a sign that they’re carrying more emotional distress than they know how to manage on their own and may need support.
Support can start with understanding what’s behind the behavior and finding healthier ways to cope. Reach out to Vitalize Behavioral Health today.
Why Do People Self-Harm?
There are many possible reasons people self-harm. For some, painful emotions build up until they feel almost impossible to sit with, and self-harm may bring a temporary sense of release. Others may feel numb or struggle with shame, anger, low self-esteem, self-hatred, or feelings they don’t know how to express.
Self-harm can also happen alongside relationship problems, emotional abuse, trauma, eating disorders, intrusive thoughts, or other mental health conditions.
Understanding that the behavior may be connected to deeper emotional pain can help loved ones respond with compassion rather than anger or judgment. With mental health treatment, a person can begin to understand what triggers the urge to self-harm and learn healthy coping skills for managing stress and difficult emotions in safer ways.
Is Self-Harm the Same as a Suicide Attempt?
Self-harm isn’t always a suicide attempt. Some people who self-harm don’t want to die and are instead trying to cope with distress that feels unbearable.
Still, self-harm and suicidal thoughts can happen at the same time. If someone tells you they’re hurting themselves, it’s OK to ask directly whether they’ve also been thinking about suicide. You’re giving them an opportunity to tell you what they’re experiencing.
How Should You Respond If Someone Tells You They’re Self-Harming?
It can be difficult to stay calm when someone you love tells you they’ve been hurting themselves. Start by letting them know you’re glad they told you.
You might say:
“I’m really glad you told me. I care about you, and I want to understand what you’ve been going through.”
Try to listen without criticizing, punishing, or demanding an explanation. They may already feel ashamed, and they may not fully understand why they self-harm yet. You can gently ask what they tend to feel beforehand and whether they’ve had suicidal thoughts.
If a young person tells a friend first, encourage them to involve a trusted adult, such as a parent, family member, school counselor, mental health professional, or another health care provider. A friend can offer support, but they shouldn’t have to handle the situation alone.
When Does Self-Harm Mean Someone Needs Professional Help?
If someone is self-harming, involving a mental health professional can help you understand what’s happening and what support they need. An initial evaluation can consider how often self-harm is happening, whether injuries are becoming more severe, what underlying issues may be contributing, and whether suicidal thoughts or other mental health conditions are present.
Some people may benefit from outpatient therapy, while others may need more structured mental health treatment. Vitalize Behavioral Health offers Intensive Outpatient Programs and Partial Hospitalization Programs for adolescents and adults who need more support than weekly therapy alone. Treatment can include individual and group therapy, family involvement, psychiatric care, and help developing healthier ways to cope with emotional distress.
What If There Are Suicidal Thoughts?
If someone says they want to die, has a suicide plan, has attempted suicide, or you believe they may be in immediate danger, get crisis support right away. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by calling or texting 988. A trained crisis counselor can provide confidential support and help you determine what to do next.
In a life-threatening emergency, call 911. Vitalize Behavioral Health does not provide 24/7 emergency or crisis services.
You Can Help Them Feel Less Alone
Finding out that someone you love is self-harming can leave you with a lot of questions. You don’t need to understand everything right away.
Keep listening, take what they’re going through seriously, and help them connect with support. Treatment can help someone understand what’s behind the urge to self-harm and find healthier ways to cope when painful emotions build up.
If you’re concerned about self-harm in yourself or someone you love, contact Vitalize Behavioral Health to learn more about available mental health services and treatment options.
